Goal Digger Vs Gold Digger

Let me preface this piece by saying, there's nothing wrong with dating without intent so long as you are forthcoming and honest.  Too often, we get wrapped into this store bought notion that every person we meet has the potential to be the one, when really, they could be a means to you figuring out your preferences.  The dating process helps determine what kind of partner you may be and what partner you may want. So please, if you feel entitled to someone just because you took them out...yikes.

Anyhoo, let's get down to the nitty gritty. You want to know if someone is into you or just in it for the thrills, here's how you can tell:

1. Eye Contact

Does he/she look at you? and I don't just mean in a polite conversational way, I mean in a Megan-Prince Harry kind of way. The eyes can say a lot about how a person is feeling and if they seem to drift off or be distracted constantly, they may just be in it for the thrills. Someone who is genuinely interested, intently listens to what you have to say.

2. Physical Touch

Do they seem affectionate? Granted, some people are nervous but if they haven't reached in for a kiss or at least a hand hold by date 5, they're just not into it honey. You know how it is when you're feeling someone, you look for any excuse to put your hand on their shoulder or brush their knee; so if they sit 3 feet away from you on every date...no bueno.

3. Do they ask questions?

Someone who is interested will ask more than "wyd?" and will engage in more than small, meaningless conversations with you. If they don't ask you any questions about your inner workings or your plans, they probably just don't care to. Beware of those who hit you with one word answers or take hours to respond; people are always thirsty to respond to the ones they actually like.

4. Availability

As the cliche but true saying goes, people make time for who and what they want. If you're constantly pitching date ideas but they don't seem to make an effort to see you CONSISTENTLY, there may be a problem. People are busy, schedules collide, but someone who is looking to date you seriously will be available for you more than once or twice a month.

The signs are there, you just have to be open to the fact they may not point in the direction you want. Find people who match your energy because in this love game, the only way to do it right is through reciprocity.


Raven Carey-James