Thuggin It Out After A Breakup
It doesn’t matter whose fault it is or who pulled the trigger that led to your final goodbyes, breakups can be hard and can get messy. I’ve broken up with my most recent ex, approximately 8-10 times and each time hurt worse than the last. However, as time went on and the breakups became more frequent, I realized my recovery time got shorter, my mindset became clearer and I got stronger.
My ex and I have finally decided to call it quits for good, after almost 2 years of dating and 8 years of friendship and it was the best decision I’ve ever made (aside from leaving the ex before him). I’m a firm believer that the first battle you’ll ever face in a situation is with yourself; if you can learn to pinpoint and manage your emotions, you can learn to control them.
How you come out on the other side of heartbreak is completely up to you. I’ve compiled a list of things I do when I want to thug it out after a breakup and it has helped me immensely during this crazy transition in my life. Hopefully this post can serve as encouragement to both men and women and help you feel better about letting a toxic relationship go.
Step 1: Going through the emotions
This shit is finna suuuuuck, so get that through your head now. Ain’t no going around it. The reality is, if you want to get over your breakup in a way that is healthy and helpful, it’s important to allow yourself to feel. No amount of alcohol and drugs is going to bring your self-esteem back and prepare you for the next step in your life.
Cry that shit out, eat ice cream, call the homies. Pinpoint exactly what you’re feeling and assign a name to it. Do you feel rejected? Betrayed? It’s much easier to begin to tackle your emotions when they’re clearly identified and labeled
Step 2: Choosing your outcome
This may seem like weird advice but that’s only because you may not believe you can control your outcome, but you most definitely can. How you feel is a result of choice. If you choose to remain in heartbreak you will, but if you’ve made the decision to move on, say it out loud and go from there.
The first step of getting over a break up is deciding to get over a break up, most times we hold on to things that aren’t good for us based on history or glimpses of positive potential, but if your relationship “con” list is through the roof, you have to decide when enough is enough and when you deserve better; when that day comes, move accordingly.
Step 3: Go outside
This was a major key for me, personally. I’m naturally a home body, I get shy and awkward in social settings and don’t like to go to the club, but I found that staying at home, kept me in my feelings so I picked up the phone and dialed my home girls immediately. It was good to catch up with my former self, reconnect with my girls and get my mind off the stupidity. There’s other ways too though and not one size fits all, if that’s the case, I would encourage you to find a new hobby, join a Meetup group, take a
painting class…etc. It can be a welcomed distraction and can funnel your energy into something positive.
Step 4: Tighten your loose screws
The end of your relationship was partly your fault too, Sugar, dedicate time to figuring out how. No one is perfect, and going through life thinking you are will humble you, real quick. After a break up, I didn’t always take time to reflect on what I did to contribute to the relationship’s underlying issues and by not doing that, I inadvertently carried those issues into to my next relationships – not cool. Instead, this time I decided to work on me. I chose not to beat myself up, but engage in necessary reflection.
I uncovered some issues within myself that I wanted to work on and catapulted my healing process. It was time for me to learn to submit to God’s plans and realize that I didn’t HAVE to control everything. I accepted that I was beautiful, created new pockets of self-awareness and concluded that I wasn’t asking for too much, just receiving and accepting less. I l slowed down my susceptibility to anger and used this time to come up with meaningful solutions.
In the grand scheme of things, this small bump won’t mean shit to me in 30 years but becoming a better you will serve you well for a lifetime, regardless.
Step 5: Casually date
You’re not looking for a rebound because that wouldn’t be fair to the person you’re dating, nor are you looking for your next boo, because that wouldn’t be fair to you. You’re just looking.
Remind yourself of what else is out there, it can help put some shit into perspective. Maybe you’ll realize that you fucked up a good thing with Bae, or in my case, you’ll find out Bae fucked up by letting you go.
Dating is a helpful process. You’ll come across some frogs along the way and do a better job of dodging those bullets. You’ll also meet some amazing people who will make you smile again.
Be careful not to fall into the hype though. Remember, dating at this point is about getting your mind right, re-establishing your standards, identifying new goals and re-assessing your “type” so that when you’re ready to get back out there again, you’ll know exactly what you’re looking for.
Step 6: Enjoying your glow up
Do not call, do not even think about it. If he or she isn’t beating down your door and singing Jodeci on your stoop, they ain’t the one, love. Keep pushing in your growth and remain unbothered, your happiness will come and when it does, it will be yours.
There’s beauty in struggle but even more in conquering it. Do it your way and be you.