I have never been in love. Every time I try to develop a relationship with someone, we never seem to be on the same page. Either I become too invested too soon, or they become obsessed with the idea of locking me down before they even get a chance to know me. Both parties’ emotions are never aligned, but as I reflect on my exes, it’s clear I placed myself in these unfortunate situations. Instead of working on my self esteem and establishing my empire, I attached myself to any man whom I felt could do it for me.
I was your classic ugly duckling story. The nerdy overachieving black girl who was into the bad boys she knew her father would hate. I felt locked in a tower for most of my upbringing, always expected to do the right thing and color within the lines. I found men who excited me and made me feel alive, men who made me laugh, showed me another side of life and who were ultimately all wrong.
Despite the roller coasters and heartbreaks, I learned to appreciate all that God has brought me through. All of the times I believed my world was ending because a relationship ended, I now realize was necessary for my spiritual growth and maturity. God used those opportunities to bring me closer to Him and redefine who I wanted to be as a woman, as well as the type of person I wanted by my side.
What a shame it would have been if I had met Mr. Right before the right time; before I had gotten the chance to work out my kinks and learn to love according to the bible’s standards of grace, forgiveness and openness. By doing everything wrong, I identified my shortcomings and began to find ways to address them. I discarded the wish list I built to disguise my own insecurities and started to frame my standards around what I believed would contribute to a happier and healthier me.
So if you haven’t found the right person yet, I encourage you to assess whether you’re the best version of yourself and if your potential partners reflect who you were in the past or the person you want to become.